How to Dread White People Hair

Hilariously, but unsurprisingly, this is a search term that frequently leads people to the site. DWP thought it fitting that we dedicate a post to those poor souls.
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Do you see this? This is the answer to your query. Don’t. Just don’t. You may end up here someday, and then where will you be?

E-mail me offenders.

Dreadful News!


PORTLAND – A Portland man is accused of using his dreadlocks to choke his girlfriend in a domestic violence attack.

The woman was taken to a Portland hospital with “numerous, non-life threatening injuries,” according to Sgt. Pete Simpson with the Portland Police Bureau.

She told officers that Caleb Grotberg attacked her just after 2 a.m. Monday at a residence in the 3200 block of Southeast 22nd Avenue. Her detailed description helped police find Grotberg in the neighborhood and arrest him.

Grotberg, 32, was charged with assault, kidnapping, attempted assault, menacing and strangulation; all are domestic violence felony crimes. He was booked into the Multnomah County Jail and will be arraigned on Tuesday.


Is it any wonder that a white boy fool enough to cultivate some crappy dreadlocks is also a gigantic asshole? No, no wonder – arguably, it is an inevitability.

The birth of a new feature: Notes from the Trenches

An overexposed glamour shot? Seriously? Come on, bro. Do us a solid here and look in the mirror. This dude reminds me of Jackie Earle Haley, except I love Jackie Earle Haley. I don’t love this dude. Thanks to Commander Way Way for the find.

And, now, a new feature!
Notes from the Trenches: First-Hand Accounts of DWP Encounters

A reader writes:
I have a terrible dreaded white people story. Last night I was at a dance performance at a community theatre. Minutes before the show started and man sits in front of me with this huge ball of dreads on his head. I instantly thought of you and tried to sneak a picture. It didn’t turn out since I couldn’t use flash. Half way into the second act the ball of dreads FALLS INTO MY LAP. MY LAP S—–! I was beyond appalled and disgusted. The man just simply gathered his dreads and brought them over his shoulder as if he was fucking Rupunzel.

Truly, this is horrific. It’s alarming enough when I am touched by any part of a stranger, let alone their nasty dead white dreadlocked hair. I might’ve gone into shock, had I been this poor reader.

Have pics or a great story? Send them to me.