How to Dread White People Hair

Hilariously, but unsurprisingly, this is a search term that frequently leads people to the site. DWP thought it fitting that we dedicate a post to those poor souls.
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Do you see this? This is the answer to your query. Don’t. Just don’t. You may end up here someday, and then where will you be?

E-mail me offenders.

Dreadful News!


PORTLAND – A Portland man is accused of using his dreadlocks to choke his girlfriend in a domestic violence attack.

The woman was taken to a Portland hospital with “numerous, non-life threatening injuries,” according to Sgt. Pete Simpson with the Portland Police Bureau.

She told officers that Caleb Grotberg attacked her just after 2 a.m. Monday at a residence in the 3200 block of Southeast 22nd Avenue. Her detailed description helped police find Grotberg in the neighborhood and arrest him.

Grotberg, 32, was charged with assault, kidnapping, attempted assault, menacing and strangulation; all are domestic violence felony crimes. He was booked into the Multnomah County Jail and will be arraigned on Tuesday.


Is it any wonder that a white boy fool enough to cultivate some crappy dreadlocks is also a gigantic asshole? No, no wonder – arguably, it is an inevitability.

Seattle Hempfest Teaser

In any war, warriors will suffer for the cause. They will make personal sacrifices. Some great, some small. Der Kommissar Mariela and I made one such small sacrifice by venturing to Hempfest on Saturday. It was a goldmine. We have dozens of images to go through, but in the meantime, enjoy this video. I wish it were bigger so you could feel like you were there with me. You might want to turn your volume down, it may be quite loud. Apologies for the sound quality. I was there for the hair.

Dreaded White People and their Innocent Spawn

That child is on the verge of either crying or laughing. My wager is on crying. And the doofy mother with her circus wrist warmers and gift wrap bow is like ‘Om shanti, little one. Eat some banana and shut up, we’re at a protest. It’s awesome!’

Based on the age of the child, and assuming that’s his mother, it’s safe to say she had those dreads when she gave birth. Perhaps even at conception. Given the Nuptial Edition, I should not be surprised that white people with dreads manage to get laid, but still…I am.

 The glee with which that child in her Toms is about to dispatch that dread onto the floor is all the proof you need. White dreadlocks are an abomination and not even children can bear them.

Is this the most horrific picture of the bunch? Here is a dreaded white lady handing off her newly shorn dreads to a bewildered, clearly disturbed child. What kind of parenting is this? Those are undoubtedly a biohazard. It is bizarre that there seems to be an audience present for the event, although…someone cutting off her white dreads does sound like a pretty joyous occasion. Maybe this is actually the greatest picture.

 This cute little guy is too young to comprehend the idea of cultural appropriation or unforgivable hair, hence the mischievous, carefree smile on his happy little face.

You can almost see the understanding dawning on this toddler’s face; clearly, she’s just emerged from the cave and is still squinting in the unforgiving light of knowledge.

Love him while you can, before he realizes what’s happening on your head.

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