How to Dread White People Hair

Hilariously, but unsurprisingly, this is a search term that frequently leads people to the site. DWP thought it fitting that we dedicate a post to those poor souls.
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Do you see this? This is the answer to your query. Don’t. Just don’t. You may end up here someday, and then where will you be?

E-mail me offenders.

Seattle Hempfest Teaser

In any war, warriors will suffer for the cause. They will make personal sacrifices. Some great, some small. Der Kommissar Mariela and I made one such small sacrifice by venturing to Hempfest on Saturday. It was a goldmine. We have dozens of images to go through, but in the meantime, enjoy this video. I wish it were bigger so you could feel like you were there with me. You might want to turn your volume down, it may be quite loud. Apologies for the sound quality. I was there for the hair.

Dreaded White People and their Innocent Spawn

That child is on the verge of either crying or laughing. My wager is on crying. And the doofy mother with her circus wrist warmers and gift wrap bow is like ‘Om shanti, little one. Eat some banana and shut up, we’re at a protest. It’s awesome!’

Based on the age of the child, and assuming that’s his mother, it’s safe to say she had those dreads when she gave birth. Perhaps even at conception. Given the Nuptial Edition, I should not be surprised that white people with dreads manage to get laid, but still…I am.

 The glee with which that child in her Toms is about to dispatch that dread onto the floor is all the proof you need. White dreadlocks are an abomination and not even children can bear them.

Is this the most horrific picture of the bunch? Here is a dreaded white lady handing off her newly shorn dreads to a bewildered, clearly disturbed child. What kind of parenting is this? Those are undoubtedly a biohazard. It is bizarre that there seems to be an audience present for the event, although…someone cutting off her white dreads does sound like a pretty joyous occasion. Maybe this is actually the greatest picture.

 This cute little guy is too young to comprehend the idea of cultural appropriation or unforgivable hair, hence the mischievous, carefree smile on his happy little face.

You can almost see the understanding dawning on this toddler’s face; clearly, she’s just emerged from the cave and is still squinting in the unforgiving light of knowledge.

Love him while you can, before he realizes what’s happening on your head.

Email me your pics.

Broadway (Capitol Hill, Seattle) Edition

Der Kommissar Mariela, DWP’s very own Hawkeye, noticed an alarming trend on Broadway Avenue in Seattle’s grimiest, most precious neighborhood, Capitol Hill. This is one of the many reasons I avoid Capitol Hill whenever I can, in addition to the infestation of dour hipsters and the horrible parking. DKM, however, is not so fortunate, and is often required to go to Capitol Hill. Fearlessly, she captures the indigenous Capitol Hill DWP in service for the cause. Here they are.

Even if you couldn’t see one pink little finger, you would know this was a dreaded white person by her extremely multicultural sweater and bag, and by how atrocious those dreads are. Also, this pic was taken in July. July. Notice the woman walking the opposite direction in a white t-shirt in the first pic, carrying a cool beverage of some type. Welcome to Capitol Hill.

Oh, it’s cool, guys. This dwp gets a pass, as he’s obvs just an artist practicing his craft. LOL j/k guys, you know we can never give them a pass!

This girl takes off her shoes, as if to drive the point irretrievably home that she is back to her roots and connected with her primitiveness or whatever self-serving platitudes would inevitably come tumbling out of her mouth if someone said, ‘Hey there, why are you barefoot in the middle of the city?’ Don’t be fooled by that grass. It’s still Capitol Hill.

I see this and my face is like the last panel of this Cyanide & Happiness.

And, truly, the most impressive, to conclude this issue:

What’s happening here? I am impressed at the amount of hair this girl has. I wonder how much of it is actually connected to her head, and not just tangled in the dreads. Or possible fake? I also don’t understand what’s going on with that bandanna. What function is that serving? I’m all for form over function, on occasion, but I see no form here. Do you? If so, by all means, clue me in.

Please, further the cause and send your own pictures to

Also, Burning Man is almost upon us. We are recruiting.